Sometimes I swear that if I don’t just say everything I want to say and keep holding it in I might just explode! There is so much I wish for, hope for, need, desire, and I just bury it deeper and deeper. I can’t get past this feeling that the longer I hold this all in the closer I am to bursting. I wish I had the courage to get past myself and just let it all go.
i love multiple story houses. especially old ones. i love it when you hear the creaks of the floor above your head as your family walks around. the noise is so soft and cozy and comforting, its like a language of its own, a little reminder letting you know we are here and you are not alone.
tonight as i sat in a basement watching a movie i could see the rain pouring out the window and hear the footsteps and movements above my head and i felt like a little girl again. all i wanted to do was curl up on the window seat underneath my blanket and fall asleep. the lull of the rain out the window, the noise of the movie, and the sounds a house makes when it settles down and falls asleep it all makes me feel so protected and safe. its like hiding under your blankets in your room at night when you have had a nightmare, nothing can possibly get to you.
Lights out tonight trouble in the heartland Got a head-on collision smashin’ in my guts, man I’m caught in a cross fire that I don’t understand But there’s one thing I know for sure girl I don’t give a damn For the same old played out scenes I don’t give a damn For just the in betweens Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul I want control right now you better listen to me baby talk about a dream Try to make it real you wake up in the night With a fear so real spend your life waiting for a moment that just don’t come Well, don’t waste your time waiting
Badlands, you gotta live it everyday Let the broken hearts stand As the price you’ve gotta pay We’ll keep pushin’ till it’s understood and these badlands start treating us good
Workin’ in the fields till you get your back burned Workin’ ‘neath the wheels till you get your facts learned Baby I got my facts learned real good right now You better get it straight darling Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king And a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I got
Well I believe in the love that you gave me I believe in the faith that could save me I believe in the hope and I pray that some day It may raise me above these
For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive I wanna find one face that ain’t looking through me I wanna find one place, I wanna spit in the face of these badlands
This song is quality… props to my dad who raised me to love music, and good music at that.
I love this. It is so so true. I have actually been thinking about it a lot lately, the things that Ithink are going to be so great and wonderful are things that begin to fade in my mind, but those moments that arejust hiding in plain sight they are the things that live on forever in my head. The thunderstorm while listening to Where the Wild Things are soundtrack in the Fall, the wonderful night of swinging and then laying in the road, summer nights sitting outside roasting Veggies from farmers market with my parents and listening to Van Morrison, doing crossword puzzles at Cornerstone with my sister, driving up the hills and laying on my car and staring at the stars for hours with Karina. They seemed so insignificant at the time, and yet here I am 20 years later, and those little things are what i can relive when I hear a song, or smell a smell, or see a picture. It is so interesting how that works.
so I have been listening to this song a lot the past couple of days, and since I saw your previous post about whether or not you were going to see Band of Horses I was going to post this song and tell you its my favorite and that you must go see Band of Horses… but here it is already posted by you…
this goes out to my sister, who not only loves TEgan and Sara like me, but whom I have spent numerous afternoons dancing around the entire house with to the original of this song. ” I check my look in the mirror, I wanna change my clothes my hair my face!” Good times, good times.
“Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that might as well have not lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.”—
stop this train, i want to get off and go home again....
are we cursed, I wonder, to never understand what we have until it is gone? I mean I remember being in middle school and thinking life was so large and stressful, and I had SO MUCH responsiblity, and yet everyone told me enjoy this freedom while I had it. Then especially in high school, I didn’t particularly enjoy my high school, but I loved my friends and I loved the pure clean delightful fun we had when we really didn’t have a stress in the world. People told me then that I should hold on to these moments of freedom when i had them, and I didn’t believe them for a second. Yeah right I have freedom? I thought life was so stressful then too. Now I am officially growing up. About six months until I turn 21 one, and for the first summer in my life I am living in a different state than my family on my own. I got a job babysitting for a beautiful bright little two year old boy named Eddie in Magnolia this summer, which I am so excited for, and yet here I am getting scared too. This is a lot of responsibility. I need to get an apartment, manage my money, and despite the millions of times I have adored and played with, fed, changed, rocked to sleep and held children I am still realizing that this boys little life will be in my hands for the majority of each day. thats intimidating.
I spent my day yesterday out in the country at a floor retreat and it just took me back to childhood. The days of exploring nature, swinging through the trees, working on the farm, roasting marshmallows over a fire, the time when I had nothing to worry about. The time when I could count on my entire family being together more than once a year. My little brother is going to school at Villanova in August, my big brother and his wife are in New York, and my big sister is finishing off her masters in Malibu, my dad just got promoted to Manager at the Coast and therefore in the next few years for the first time in my life my parents will move out of the town I spent my entire life in and move. I am not distraught just melancholy I think. I can’t believe my life has already come this far, and yet i can’t believe how much there is left to live. How do I feel like I have experienced so much and yet there is so much left out there? i know this probably is big blob of rambling and won’t make much sense to anyone but it has been weighing on me so much lately. Life it moves so fast and so slow at the same time, and I just wonder am I doing it right? Am I appreciating everything that I can? I hope so.
“I live a small life. Well, small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave?”
Dang, I have been wondering this of myself a lot lately. Am I doing what I do because I love it, or is it because I am too scared to actually step out and do something? I am not really sure right now. I just know that I believe God is faithful to take my trust in him and use it for something good.