“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”—
“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”—
You’d think I would get used to saying goodbye to people I love. After all I think that is what life has demanded from me from a young age. Every summer I had to say goodbye to my cousins for another year. In middle school I watched my brother say goodbye to his first girlfriend for months and at the age of 14 I helped my mom move him into college and watched her say goodbye to her first born child. At 15 I said goodbye to the best grandpa this world has ever known. Nine months later I said goodbye to my best friend and sister as she moved out of my life for the first time in our sixteen years together. Obviously I could go on to college, to my brother and his wife moving to New York. It never fails to get me to the core every time though. I think its just another hug, another kiss, just another time to spit out the words goodbye, and I love you. But it never stops feeling so wrong. It hurts to say goodbye, and I am terrible at it, after all these years you think I could be cool and collected but I just can’t be. Maybe its because life is so fleeting that I just have a desire to soak up all I can, or maybe its just because I feel so much that I can’t just say goodbye and leave it at that. I honestly think that the more I have to say goodbye the worse I get, because I know how much it can hurt. Maybe I am too crazy and sentimental but for some reason it just gets more and more difficult. I just spent the last four days having all my siblings under one roof again. This is a rare occurrence at this time in our lives. My brother is busy happily living life with his wife half way across the country, my sister is possibly becoming the best new advertiser in LA, and my younger brother is experiencing the joy of graduating high school and the uncertainty of college. This weekend we all came home to see him graduate, we cheered for him like Grandpa Bill would have and bragged on how we all graduated the school valedictorian, we fought, we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt, we built fires, ate food, drank coffee, played games, and stayed up late talking philosophy… the usual. For some reason every new time I say goodbye to my big brother I feel like I may just lose control of my tightly bound emotions. Because of all my siblings he more than anyone else makes realize that our chances of seeing each other are few and far between. Every time I hug him and tell him I love him, I am never really sure when the next time I will get to hug him will be. And every time I see him and lose him again my heart feels it a little. So here I am sitting in my parents backyard on our swing that my grandpa built pondering why we always have to say goodbye and missing my two older siblings, well and my younger one who is off being a freshly graduated high schooler. The other day my sister asked me “does it ever scare you to realize that now no matter where you go you’ll always be missing someone?” at first I told her no, because I thought I was well acquainted with goodbye, its nothing new to me of course I am always missing someone. But sitting here feeling such a longing for people I am beginning to think that it is a scary thought. Because even now that I am home with half the siblings and my parents my heart yearns for the other ones. But even beyond that I miss those deep friends I have made from school. How is it fair that while I am at home my heart yearns for the other home? So while I come to Oregon sometimes for a while I feel like I can breathe again. I go out to the vineyards and stare at the sun setting on the mountains, and I feel so at home and alive. And then it starts to nibble at me that something isn’t complete anymore. When I am here after a few days I miss Seattle, and when I am in Seattle some days all I want is to come sit in the backyard around the fire for hours. It is scary and yet it makes me think that there must be something more after this world. How could we be created to make all these connections. To have this deep yearning for home in so many different people and places. So I guess in a way it gives me a sort of hope, because we must at some point all come home.
Home - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros Home, Let me come Home Home is Whenever Im with you Home, yes I am Home Home is wherever Im with you
Lalalala Take me Home Mama Im Coming Home
I follow you into the park, thru the jungle thru the dark Girl aint never loved one like you Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls I been everywhere with you Laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night never could be sweeter than with you
“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”—
I just found out last week that my entire family will be home for my little brother’s graduation this weekend. at first i was going to be the only one, but then my sister got the money to fly up, and together her and my big brother are getting him a flight from new york to home for the weekend. this is such a beautiful thing because it just isn’t right to me that every graduation was celebrated with all of us but his. i cannot wait to be together again, these times are so few and far between. every time i say bye to my big brother i never know when i will see him again and that feeling is the weirdest experience, and yet just as this quote says i carry him in my heart. i carry them all in my heart. so over the next couple months when caitilin is in malibu, zach and kalea in brooklyn, connor in pennsylvania, me in seattle and my parents in oregon i will be sad yes, and missing them always but when you have a family like mine you are never really without each other no matter how far apart you are. that may be cliche, but if you ever met my family you would totally understand what i meant. i love them. i am counting down the days until bbq, movies, bonfires and conversation in the backyard, and cinnamon rolls and watching the world cup with the brothers.
It’s June in Texas, which means my wife just made me my first mason jar full of cold brew coffee.
Cold-brewed coffee is actually dirt simple to make at home….But you can also bang it out with a Mason jar and a sieve. You just add water to coffee, stir, cover it and leave it out on the counter overnight. A quick two-step filtering the next day (strain the grounds through a sieve, and use a coffee filter to pick up silt), a dilution of the brew one-to-one with water, and you’re done. Except for the time it sits on the kitchen counter, the whole process takes about five minutes.
i want to sit in the window and drink coffee when i first wake up, and not worry about what i look like when i first roll out of bed. i want to sit on the patio and soak up the late afternoon sunshine. i want to spend lazy weekends reading classic novels that…
this is beautiful… guess what? This will all happen soon. We will make homemade iced coffee, and I can read outloud to you like you sometimes like. Wecan go to farmer’s market and grill veggies just like both our families do at home. We can make delcious salads to our hearts content. We can bike ride anywhere in the world, road trip home to my house on some weekends, and I will bake for you cinnamon rolls every Sunday like my mom used to do for me? Of course we will freeze the extras and only bake fresh ones like once a month. Yes summer needs to get here. now probably would be good.
A slight rain comes, bathed in dawn light. I hear it among treetop leaves before mist Arrives. Soon it sprinkles the soil and, Windblown, follows clouds away.
Deepened Colors grace thatch homes for a moment. Flocks and herds of things wild glisten Faintly. Then the scent of musk opens across Half a mountain — and lingers on past noon
It is 12:30 on June 2nd and I just walked back from class in an onslaught of rain pouring down from the sky. I should be mad, and complain about how it is summer and I need the sun and the rainy season should be over… and yet I can’t today. Sometimes I smell, see, hear, and feel the rain and I can’t help but just be overcome with wonder at the intricacy of this world that was created for us. The fact that this rain just pours down out of the sky and it refreshes and leaves everything so fresh and new. I love summer and hope for sunshine as much as anyone, but I guess it is the Oregonian in me coming out, I adore rain. It is such a beautiful thing.
Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, It will set you free Be more like the man you were made to be. There is a design, An alignment to cry, Of my heart to see, The beauty of love as it was made to be
I am one of the lucky few who has witnessed the beauty of love as it was made to be. I was raised surrounded by that strong, loyal, and unbreakable love my entire life. My family has taught me more about love and what it means than anyone else in my life so far. Throughout the constant sorrows, battles, and pain that life brings they have always stood out as a beacon that life can be good and there is beauty and happiness and love in the world. Sometimes I think I lose sight of how lucky I am to have been a part of a love like that. I hope that somehow and someday I can teach and show that kind of love to my own friends and my own family.
Sometimes I swear that if I don’t just say everything I want to say and keep holding it in I might just explode! There is so much I wish for, hope for, need, desire, and I just bury it deeper and deeper. I can’t get past this feeling that the longer I hold this all in the closer I am to bursting. I wish I had the courage to get past myself and just let it all go.
i love multiple story houses. especially old ones. i love it when you hear the creaks of the floor above your head as your family walks around. the noise is so soft and cozy and comforting, its like a language of its own, a little reminder letting you know we are here and you are not alone.
tonight as i sat in a basement watching a movie i could see the rain pouring out the window and hear the footsteps and movements above my head and i felt like a little girl again. all i wanted to do was curl up on the window seat underneath my blanket and fall asleep. the lull of the rain out the window, the noise of the movie, and the sounds a house makes when it settles down and falls asleep it all makes me feel so protected and safe. its like hiding under your blankets in your room at night when you have had a nightmare, nothing can possibly get to you.
Lights out tonight trouble in the heartland Got a head-on collision smashin’ in my guts, man I’m caught in a cross fire that I don’t understand But there’s one thing I know for sure girl I don’t give a damn For the same old played out scenes I don’t give a damn For just the in betweens Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul I want control right now you better listen to me baby talk about a dream Try to make it real you wake up in the night With a fear so real spend your life waiting for a moment that just don’t come Well, don’t waste your time waiting
Badlands, you gotta live it everyday Let the broken hearts stand As the price you’ve gotta pay We’ll keep pushin’ till it’s understood and these badlands start treating us good
Workin’ in the fields till you get your back burned Workin’ ‘neath the wheels till you get your facts learned Baby I got my facts learned real good right now You better get it straight darling Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king And a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I got
Well I believe in the love that you gave me I believe in the faith that could save me I believe in the hope and I pray that some day It may raise me above these
For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive I wanna find one face that ain’t looking through me I wanna find one place, I wanna spit in the face of these badlands
This song is quality… props to my dad who raised me to love music, and good music at that.
I love this. It is so so true. I have actually been thinking about it a lot lately, the things that Ithink are going to be so great and wonderful are things that begin to fade in my mind, but those moments that arejust hiding in plain sight they are the things that live on forever in my head. The thunderstorm while listening to Where the Wild Things are soundtrack in the Fall, the wonderful night of swinging and then laying in the road, summer nights sitting outside roasting Veggies from farmers market with my parents and listening to Van Morrison, doing crossword puzzles at Cornerstone with my sister, driving up the hills and laying on my car and staring at the stars for hours with Karina. They seemed so insignificant at the time, and yet here I am 20 years later, and those little things are what i can relive when I hear a song, or smell a smell, or see a picture. It is so interesting how that works.
so I have been listening to this song a lot the past couple of days, and since I saw your previous post about whether or not you were going to see Band of Horses I was going to post this song and tell you its my favorite and that you must go see Band of Horses… but here it is already posted by you…